gratitude

Gratitude, a word that I have always tried to pay attention to. I live my life a million  miles an hour, I have to if I want to get where I want to go. When you move as fast as I do, you sometimes forget to give love and attention to the ones that really deserve, the ones you love. the people that have stuck with you through thick and thin. The people that would be there for you no matter what. Looking back, I know that several people have left my life because my ambition takes me away from them so much that they would rather leave me by their own accord, then deal with the pain of my absence. something I am definitely not proud of.

tying this into capitalism, I know for a fact that I would not act the way I act if I wasn’t born in a capitalist society. I have let people go in my life that i loved simply for the fact that they couldn’t keep up with me. They couldn’t keep my speed, so I had to leave them behind and finish the race by myself. fully knowing that I should be running the race with them. If I wasn’t in the race of capitalism, I know I would have never in a million years left people that I loved behind. but in a strange and horrific way, I didn’t see myself as having a choice.

The few people that have stayed in my life, well knowing that I don’t have much time to give mean the world to me. Whenever I can, I always make sure that I at very least send them a text, food, flower, something to let them know that wherever I go, I will always have them in my mind as well as my heart. To be honest, my life is mostly one of solitude. There are very few people that I see that aren’t for business, or a networking opportunity. It is the life that I have willingly chosen, but I will admit, most nights when I lay in bed, think about the people I have lost to my ambition. I will never forget them, but I’m sure they’ve forgotten all about me. Maybe it is better that way. If it lessens their pain for my old friends, lovers and some family to not think about me, then it is probably for the best. I’ll never forget them though. Maybe in a weird way that’s my punishment for letting them go. Their memories will forever haunt me.

unfortunately, I was having trouble downloading the interview that I did for this blog post, so instead I found this ted talk that really seems to resonate with this weeks topics.

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