Rant

This reading honestly kind of bugged me. I know how I feel. I’m terrified that the world will end, and that we (and more likely future generations) will go through a living hell before that happens. I know that this is dangerous; I do think I play a role in the system and am not turning a cold shoulder to the issue; I’m vegan so that stands out a bit…its not like I’m in denial about it. But I am confused and scared. Thanks to this class, I think about this issue every day even though the thought of the destruction of our planet is terribly depressing. And yes, I do feel paralyzed. I realize that there is still Earth left to enjoy, but I’m looking down the road 50 years and I honestly don’t anticipate a bright future. Except I do, because the sun will probably be blazing though the ozone layer. This issue is so big, because the world is so big, and I am so small and its paralyzing! Like I sit sometimes and think about how much I, as an individual, out of almost eight billion, don’t matter in the grand scheme of things because I am one in 8 billion and thats pretty insignificant. So then I go on to think about how if I don’t really matter then do the 8 billion other people really matter? We all only live for around 90 years if were lucky and there are good and bad parts of all of that so does it matter if things change in my lifetime? Because it wont exactly effect me directly, at least not now.

So how do I cope? Well I know my diet takes a good load off my shoulders, I don’t use bags at the grocery store, and I don’t use plastic straws anymore. And those are my contributions. Next year I’m not going have a car so that will be even better, but asides from that, I try not to think about this because then I have a whole existential crisis on what really even matters?

When I did the breathing exercise it kind of felt too much like a therapeutic exercise, which I guess it is, but I already go to therapy to deal with the rest of my existential crisis and the other pains that the world induces. And I really don’t like breathing exercises.

When I was on my walk, I was walking thought this little patch of forest-ness, which really only occupies less than half a block in a suburb. So I was in the little trail and there were rotting wooden stairs and there were trees surrounding me, but everywhere I looked, there was human intervention. Houses or cars passing or other buildings. But the green was still pretty and the light hit just right and for a second I enjoyed it.

Rant over.

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