Avoidance and repression are all too familiar emotions for me. During these last few years, I have struggled and continue to struggle with ongoing depression. I felt immeasurable pressure and stress – pressure to ‘succeed’ in achieving some perceived goal. It was entirely about self-delusion. The more I suffered, the more I repressed and avoided my emotions. I failed – I felt bad – I repressed my feelings, denying myself resolution – the feelings compounded and grew – the cycle repeated.
It was precisely the kind of negative feedback described in the reading.
When initially experiencing the culmination of years repression and avoidance, I earnestly considered suicide.
It was only through the intervention of family, therapy, and medication that I was able to move beyond this – so utter was my despair.
Avoidance was a necessary coping mechanism for me – I was not able to work through the pain on my own. That would take years of therapy and self-reflection.
My view of what I had to accomplish – what was necessary for me to attain happiness – all of that actively hurt me.
The reading primarily focuses on the methods used to recognize the problem. It does not offer an explicit solution to dealing with the duality of experiencing suffering and not doing anything.
I do not think there is an easy clear answer to such feelings.
My way of achieving some measure of resolution has to do with going precisely through the acknowledgement of pain. The grief and pain I felt had to be let out.
But I then had to move through that pain. Acknowledging the pain and feeling it in its entirety was an absolutely necessary component. But once I felt that unbearable pain, I could not remain in that state.
Being absolutely miserable is not a means of achieving resolution – you do have to find a way to either litigate or end the pain, while doing so through healthy means.
I have arrived at a stage in my life where I am able to acknowledge these feelings and emotions and then take action which considers them. For me, it was a matter of practice and support to arrive at this stage. I cannot say if this is that way for everyone.