I went to the park near to my neighborhood after dinner last night. Honestly, last time I walked out after dinner on weekday just for fun was back to junior high. My life have been changed a lot since 8th grade, I used to go out a lot when I was younger, the moment I started to realize I am walking in the wood and the smells from flowers coming to me again was so magical, it felt strange yet so familiar with. I still remember what I used to do when I walked in the park during night time back to the spring of 2014. I was lost and confused deeply inside because of treason period, wearing the black jacket from my cousin along with long, fluffy and messy hair all the time, walking like Dallas Winston from The outsiders and trying to remember all the lyrics from Beautiful by Eminem. As time pass by, I have been asked myself the same question over and over in the past few years: “Have I been changed since that period of time?”
I guess I will never know the true answer. Nonetheless, I know the truth that I could have do better in these years, from this point of view, no I haven’t . I am still that young kid from the beginning. The feelings come along with time and age is endless and unchangeable pain. The dark from the other side of the forest also reminds me the night I ran all the way from the park 8 blocks away to my house, when I was running, my mind was empty and clear, there’s nothing I could think about except run faster and faster like what I did back then. People always afraid of some mystery things, like dark and quiet streets at 2 am, or the deep water. We feel fearful when we think about that because these are things that we don’t know, same as energy, or resource. We don’t how much resource we still have on the earth, but we all the fact people will be running out of them eventually. In conclusion, I think the main pain I had was mystery, or the things are uncontrollable.